With DramaticalBlue, Continued

[powerofvoice]

powerofvoice: [He's quiet, but was that new? A lot of his answers took more thought. Maybe conversation in general did. By the time he had accepted Desire as part of himself, by the time he started to have conversations with him, it had been a while since what he'd said had mattered. It would be too easy to just lapse into silence.

He would have without Desire.]

They'll know you. They realize how different I was then, how different I am now. [He doesn't add that it was the 'back then' that had most likely drew their interest. That would sound like it was placing blame on a man that had no blame in this.]


dramaticalblue: Yeah. I know.

[ Desire sighs again. There'd definitely be no helping that. Their captors if anyone, would immediately know who he is. He wonders what their reaction will be. Will they be angry that they've lost their compliant Aoba, or will they be excited to break him all over again? Maybe the latter, seeing as it had been him who had caught their interest in the first place. Either way, none of the options are appealing in the least. ]

Maybe it'll caught 'em off-guard.

Comments

[powerofvoice]

[Aoba leans against his counterpart. It was a comfortable and familiar gesture. He knows how he seems when he's in here, his body he means, but he knows he's not giving it up. Desire was a real person and this was the only place they could both exist.

He wishes that were different. Having Desire literally by his side out in the real world would make a big difference.]

Yeah...Somehow, I think they'll get it, but they'll probably worry. How bad do we look? [Sometimes they were bruised, sometimes Virus or Trip decided to inflict more mental pain than physical.]

[dramaticalblue]

[ One part of Desire wishes he could be apart from Aoba in some way so that he could look after him in a better way, but at the same time... He knows he'd never feel comfortable in a body that's not this one. It feels like just as much his body as it is Reason's. ]

Pretty bad to be honest. They did a fuckin' number on us. Got some new scars and bruises...

[ There's no point in hiding any of that from Reason - he'll see it for himself as soon as he takes back control of their body anyway so he might as well be honest. Better to prepare his other half for it than have him be shocked when he sees it for himself. ]

[powerofvoice]

[It feels like it's his body because it is. Reason usually drives, but Desire owns the body just as much. He'd fought that, so hard, before they had been stuck with just each other. Now, he acknowledges it. He's willing to share it now, though they would need to set rules. There were some things Reason couldn't accept being done, things people who trusted him not to do. But, somehow, he thinks his other side will understand that.

No more being trapped, for either of them. Aoba knew how that felt now.]

Any new ones we can't hide? [His neck held scars, he knew.]

[dramaticalblue]

[ Of course, Desire wouldn't want to do anything that his other isn't comfortable with. He exists to protect and to balance, not to make things difficult for the main personality. As much as he would have hated to admit it in the past, it's difficult when it's just the two of them. They need Restraint too, but he's been gone for so long now. Driven away because Desire wouldn't listen to him, drowned him out as he spiraled out of control and dragged Reason down with him. He feels guilty for that. ]

They're mostly on our upper body. Hips, stomach, sides. There's one on the inside of our thighs as well...

[ That one had been the worst. He involunatirly shudders as he remembers how it'd felt when Trip had dragged a knife across his skin while he was tied down and unable to do anything about it. He never, ever wants to experience that again. ]

[powerofvoice]

[They all had their regrets. Aoba can't help but compare of the entrapment of Desire to his own entrapment by Virus and Trip. Of course there are differences, but both had been a cage.

Legs, arms, stomach, hips, sides, collarbone. He can't see his own back, but he imagines it being the worst. It was never just about sex with them. They'd wanted to cause pain, with their bodies, weapons, Allmates. Probably, he was going to be one large scar for the rest of his life.

Good thing he wasn't worried about anything he would need to be attractive for.]

Then we can hide 'em. Most of my clothes have long sleeves, anyway. We'll probably need higher collars, though. [At least they had always been a fan of layers.

He lays a hand on Desire's knee; that shiver was obvious.] Things'll be better now.

[dramaticalblue]

[ They'd wanted to own Aoba, possess and control him completely. He'd been nothing but an exciting toy that no one else had - a thing to be played with and broken down until it stopped being amusing. They had their different ways of torture. Trip being more physical while Virus preferred psychological torment, but both methods had worked splendidly to systematically break Aoba's will, to condition him to expect punishment if he displeased them. The isolation, starvation, dehydration, the humiliation of being left naked and in his own filth for hours on end were great tools to achieve the same goal too.

The more Desire thinks about it, the angrier he gets. He hadn't experienced it for as long as Reason had - hadn't been as beaten down as his other either, but there had definitely been times when everything had felt so hopeless and pointless. He'd wanted to give up. Only his dedication to Reason had kept him going through that. And it had paid off. That's the most important thing. It had all been worth it.

He manages a smile and nods, curling an arm around Reason's. ]

Yeah. Granny's probably gonna want to look us over, though... You think you can handle that?

[powerofvoice]

[They played rough with their toys. It was only some miracle that they hadn't broken, that they hadn't become nothing but a shell. Even with both of them, it would have been all too easy to go inside and never come out. Their life would have ended, but what life did they have? Pain, humiliation. There was nothing in their life not meant to degrade them.

One hand came to wrap around his forearm, a frown appearing on Aoba's face.]

I don't know. For most of it, it'd be okay, it'd be like a checkup. It's just... the sex stuff they did. [That they focused on.] I know she can't know all of it just by looking at the damage, but she'll know some of it. It's Granny.

[dramaticalblue]

[ Desire nods and slides his hand into Aoba's, squeezing it gently.

Granny would definitely understand what had happened - not at all of it, but... enough of it. But she wasn't the kind of person to pry, or to insist on finding out exactly what had happened. She'd likely accept whatever they felt comfortable telling her. Desire is more concerned about how Koujaku might react. ]

If it gets too much, I can take over, okay?

[powerofvoice]

[He'd immediately feel the returned squeeze. This wasn't them giving each other strength to go back out again, this was them being free. Part of that really hasn't sunk in. After all, it was never really a possibility in his mind.]

I know, but I should probably handle it. I think if I keep letting you do the hard parts, I'll stay like this forever. I don't wanna be what they made me, I really don't.

[dramaticalblue]

[ Desire can't help but to be overprotective, but Aoba definitely has a point. ]

Yeah, you're right. Still... You can't push yourself too quickly either. It's gonna take a while before things can start to go back to normal. So, if you really can't do something, I don't mind taking over even if it's just for a little bit.

[powerofvoice]

But I meant it when I said it's your body, too. I won't lock you up anymore, so you gotta tell me when you want out. I know it's going to take some time for you, too, but you should try to think of something fun you wanna do. Just no more Rib or Rhyme. I'm done with all of that forever.

[He didn't want to fight anymore, he wanted to live peacefully in his home with his friends.

He probably didn't have a job anymore.]

[dramaticalblue]

Yeah. I know. I don't mind being in here, though. It's my place and I'm comfortable like this.

[ He makes a face. ] Don't worry 'bout that. I mean... we probably never woulda met those two fucking psychos if I hadn't done Rhyme.

[powerofvoice]

Don't do that. [He raised his chin up, titling his head back to look at Desire. There was no height difference between them, but Aoba was slumping a bit to fit more easily against him.]

Don't blame yourself like that. I'm the one who failed to use Scrape on them. If I hadn't done that, they never would have caught us, we'd never woulda been in that room.

[dramaticalblue]

[ Desire shakes his head. ] You didn't fail at Scrap. They're just... immune to it, I guess. There's just nothing in them to work with. I couldn't find any opening, anything to exploit. 's like they're just empty shells, and not real people.

[ He shudders. It's uncomfortable to think about, but considering the horrible things they're capable of it does make sense. ]

[powerofvoice]

Anybody who could do what they did couldn't be real people. [They seemed to be thinking the same thing.] But I still tried. I went in a place full of enemies and depended on it to save me. It was the only thing I could think to do, but it was still a bad decision.

[He wanted so badly go change the past. If it had been within his power, he would have done it time and time again.]

[dramaticalblue]

Yeah. You can't have the kind of emotions normal people have if you can do shit like that... There's gotta be somethin' real fucking vital missing from 'em. [ He sighs and drapes his arms around Aoba, pulling him into a hug. ] Look, you did the right thing, okay? Toue had to be stopped. You couldn't have known those two fuckers would betray you like that. You thought they were your friends, right? Ain't your fault they turned out to be psychopaths.

[ It really pisses him off. They'd been pretending all along. Pretending to be Aoba's friends, their 'biggest fans', only to effectively ruin their life because it was 'fun'. It was sickening. ]

[powerofvoice]

[Aoba hadn't been ready for their brand of evil. There were some people back at Midorijima - people who couldn't take no for an answer, people who wanted money or possessions, people who just wanted to rough someone up - but they had all worn their intentions on their sleeve. There were fights, Aoba won, it was over.

Virus and Trip had played them. Him. He supposed he couldn't put that blame on anyone but himself. He hadn't considered the two inseparable from himself, but they were his friends. He'd thought.

Then they had become his tormentors.]

I don't wanna keep talking about blame, I wanna start over. You, me, Granny, Ren, Koujaku, Mizuki. I want us all to just start from here and forget everything.

[Impossible, he knew.]

[dramaticalblue]

Yeah. I don't think it's possible to forget, but... we can move on from it, at least.

[ He hopes so, anyway. What they'd been put through wasn't something they would get over easily. If at all. He hates that thought, but it's the unfortunate truth. It doesn't help that Virus and Trip are still alive, still out there... He squeezes his arms a little tighter around Aoba without thinking as a small shudder goes through him. ]

[powerofvoice]

We're wearing clothes, right?

[It feels like a silly question, but it had been a long time since he had worn anything other than a chain. Or masks. Or whatever torture device they had that day. None of them counted.

But obviously Desire had gotten clothes somewhere. Did he have to go out in the nude?]

[dramaticalblue]

Yeah. They'd kept your old clothes. Found 'em in a closet. [ He remembers something then and makes a face. ] Shit, I'm still wearing Plaid's fuckin' chain-collar. Couldn't get it off...

[ He'd put the hoodie on his jacket up to hide it, but still... And yes, Plaid is his 'nickname' for Trip. He prefers not to use their actual names if he can help it. ]

[powerofvoice]

[They kept them? While it was good they had something to wear, there was something creepy about that. What were they planning on doing with them? Or, what had they already been doing? Momentos from the old Aoba?

They were sick.

Idly, a hand comes up to touch his own neck. The chain doesn't follow him in so of course he touches nothing but the smooth skin there, but he still recalls how it feels. He used to wear his headphones in that spot.]

Think we have anything at home we can use to get it off with? [What was the chances he could get it off without anyone seeing? He'd fight over his right to keep his hood up.]

[dramaticalblue]

[ Desire hadn't even thought of how weird and creepy it was that they'd actually kept Aoba's clothes, but it definitely was. They hadn't thrown his Coil away either, or his bag. All of his things had still been there.

He shrugs. ]

I dunno. We might need someone's help... [ He's not exactly thrilled about that prospect either. ]

[powerofvoice]

[He was quiet for a few beats, trying to absorb it all. At the end, they were going home so any hardship with that was worth it. Still, he wished he could have kept whatever was left of his pride.]

Yeah. Maybe Koujaku, if he can. He's probably gonna know anyway, huh? How about the clothes? I know we lost alotta weight. How bad do they fit?

[It would be how they used to measure him as soon as he got home.]

[dramaticalblue]

Yeah, maybe. [ Provided Koujaku didn't completely freak out about everything... ] They're like a fuckin' tent, to be honest. People were starin' at me while waiting for the plane. [ He snorts softly. ] I probably look shady as hell.

[powerofvoice]

[Aoba smirks. Good, let them look dangerous. The truth was much worse and danger kept people away.]

That's gonna change when we get home. I miss Granny's food.